Boomer Dating: “The Big Fade Out”

Lifestyle

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There is no doubt that dating as a boomer has its challenges especially if you’ve been married for decades and then find yourself back on the market so to speak. 

With few options most of us turn to online dating refusing to haunt bars. There’s really no such thing as “being fixed up” at our age. Most our friends are either still happily married or in the same need to dating boat or the alternative spend the rest of your days without companionship. And bars seem to a be a unanimous thing of our past.

I’ve been told by some to give up on online dating because it’s dangerous. True. It’s not without its pitfalls. One has to be very careful because the dating sites are full of scammers. That said, despite the frogs I’ve met I did have one long term relationship with what I had hoped would be a prince. But the fairy tale died after 15 months. Oh, the stories I can tell about boomer dating. 

Maturity does not bring mature behavior with boomers. 

The majority of men I have met do what I call the “big fade out.” What is the “big fade out?” It’s just what you think it is. A man you have seen either for a couple of dates or even multiple months suddenly fades away without an explanation. Yes, breaking up or turning someone away is difficult but as a mature adult wouldn’t you think we would all me mature enough to say goodbye and give a rationale? I realize I might not be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay. But I do think all of us owe the people an explanation when we walk away. I’m always curious because I’d like to know what it is they find off-putting. Saying, “we have issues” without exposing the issues is not very adult-like behavior. Or “I just can’t do this.” What is “this”? I will never know. 

Truth is some of this might be on me. Maybe I give off a vibe that I’m just not that interested and so they fade out. 

And even more disturbing thing I’ve seen is men dating hoping that the new woman will replace the former girlfriend who their heart still lines for. Nothing like putting a capital U on the word used. Twice I’ve been told goodbye by men who ran back to the previous girlfriend. I even had one say he’s like to take me out a week after telling me he was going after his past girlfriend. I told him I wasn’t his contingency plan.

Maybe I have poor choice in selection. But I’ve dated businessmen of all types from teachers, bankers to lawyers. 

I can only think of boomer men who have sons and hope they have tried to instill values regarding the treatment of women and the building of relationships, not to mention how to properly treat people. 

Dating as a boomer is not all doom and gloom. I’ve had some laughs and gone to some fabulous places and had amazing experiences. I have some funny stories to tell. And despite everything I am not ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. I’m also not ready to settle. I’d rather be alone. There must be a prince among men out there.

 

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