Breadcrumbing. I had no idea that there was a name for the drive-by TBD potential dater who ultimately never comes to fruition. I’ve had more than my fair share of dating a guy for several times who suddenly disappears without a warning, but I’ve also experienced being breadcrumbed.
I learned about breadcrumbing from Justin Lavelle of People Looker who said, “
We’ve all had it happen at some point in our dating life—the drive-by dater. Well before ghosting was given a name, we experienced the drive-by dater who left the random voicemail message, would pop in occasionally to comment on your social media status or would sporadically send you a private message just to “check in”—but this touch-basing lacked commitment and feelings, yet kept you hanging on with the relationship going nowhere.”
I’ve often wondered why a guy would start a conversation on an online dating platform only to never have any follow through and eventually disappear completely. This is breadcrumbing. And Justin has great tips for dealing with breadcrumbing in your own life:
5 Tips for Dealing with Breadcrumbing:
Monitor the effort.
An occasional “hi” or brief message says a lot about commitment and interest. Someone wanting to get to know you will be willing to put in the time and will want to spend time with you. Brief “drop-ins” aren’t what good, healthy relationships are based on. If you notice a pattern of someone agreeing to meet up, then backing out with a different excuse, it’s best to get out ASAP.
Is the relationship progressing? Are you speaking to each other on a more frequent basis? A new relationship should build in intensity not just be a sporadic mess. Take a step back and realize that the person breadcrumbing you isn’t getting emotionally involved, and therefore you shouldn’t either. Follow this rule and don’t make excuses. This is just one person in a sea of online daters, and if they’re only giving you breadcrumbs when you deserve the whole loaf of bread, it’s time to let go. Be good to yourself.
Make sure that you both are seeking the same type of relationship. One of you might be unsure of the other’s intentions and want something entirely different. Maybe your “breadcrumber” isn’t interested in anything deeper. Following a trail of breadcrumbs will only keep you from finding a better match. Know the signs, follow these tips and forge your own trail.
Is it over?
If “breadcrumbing” starts and you have been in a relationship you need to consider if this is the break-up. Again, don’t make excuses as that may just prolong the pain. With today’s technology being used more and more in our relationships “breadcrumbing” and “ghosting” are available options for insensitive people to cut you loose. Admit the signs to yourself and move on.
Don’t blame yourself and don’t follow the path. You have the right to not pick up the crumbs! Know yourself. These breadcrumbs are just to keep you in their game. Don’t play into by saying something they want to hear. What kind of relationship do you want? If the communication doesn’t fit your needs, it’s time to move on.
Justin Lavelle is Chief Communications Director at PeopleLooker.com, PeopleLooker is the fast, affordable, and easy way to access public records and search for people. You can find out ages, marital status, addresses, email addresses, phone numbers, criminal records, and more. PeopleLooker is a popular tool for online daters who use the app to check the background of potential dates.